10 Ways To Escape 9-To-5 Hell For Good

This piece was compiled by those who run the Cracked Store to let you know about items that are now being offered there.

Working in a 9-5 job is essentially a supervillain training course. But before the wardens for the future abolish money in return for some type of forced communal living oriented around lottery-based bloodstream sports, we are all stuck getting for everyone The Person. Still, it does not mean you need to work inexpensively. Getting specialized skills enables you to definitely command some pretty hefty charges. And you never know — with the proper fit, maybe you’ll really put lower your recently built freeze ray and begin enjoying your work. To get probably the most callous mercenary within our digital economy and begin working in the couch (or Hawaii), check out the next skills and also the courses that educate these to you:

Data Analytics


Analytics is not only the line graph that informs you the number of of the buddies checked out your meme without striking the like button. No, it’s really an excellent critical element of almost every modern business. Actually, LinkedIn listed Analytics Manager among the most promising jobs in the usa, with 49 percent YoY growth. Meaning? Possibilities to contract or work remotely are finally from the “lick these envelopes for untold riches” scam territory. The Best Data &amp Analytics Bundle includes a large number of happy to educate you the way to determine with the vertically scrolling eco-friendly figures and place the proverbial Lady in Red, using tools such as the R programming language, MongoDB, and Hadoop clusters. Get this big data bundle here for $39.

Serious Stand out Mastery


Some companies have entire floors dedicated to data analysis. Others elope of merely one Stand out spreadsheet along with a box of instant coffee. But no matter where you’re employed, all businesses need somebody that can coax dark pivot table formula magic from number grids, mainly in the finance department. “Financial Analyst” also made LinkedIn’s top 20 promising careers, with some major Stand out skills, you can be a generously compensated contractor. So putting “Stand out” underneath the “technical skills” section finally means something besides “This resume is just 47 words lengthy, and I have to pad it.” Pick up this Excel boot camp for $35, 85 % from the usual cost.

Computer Science


College has become more costly than ever before. We all know so because we are writing our student debt into our will and wishing our grandkids do not have to write it into their own. It goes doubly if you are considering stepping into a STEM field like information technology. Thankfully, information technology can also be the only real STEM field that consistently pays well and does not require lab time for you to learn (suck it, physics!). Learn the real thing and open doorways to a number of careers with a combination of high- and occasional-level programming languages, databases, algorithms, data structures, and software architecture. Black leather duster coat is optional. Get this complete CS education for $39.

Web Programming


If you want to cut right to the chase and learn the most in-demand tech skills, then allow us to point you to web development. Getting armed with full-stack knowledge of web tech will prepare you to make everything from mobile-responsive e-commerce apps to the next Facebook if you so choose. Will they one day have a gripping drama made about you starring Jesse Eisenberg? It’s hard to say (though we’d suggest that you demand Samuel L. Jackson). But at the very least, these skills will allow you to build you own site from scratch and be your own boss. Pick up this web development course for $14.

iOS Coding


Those little rounded rectangles (graphic design nerds call them “squircles,” because they collect face punches as a hobby) on your iPhone screen aren’t gonna make themselves. Well actually, Apple’s XCode development environment does do like 95 percent of the work, but you still have to learn some magic computer words in the Swift programming language. You’ll build projects like a Pokemon Go app, Snapchat clone, and a soundboard for some Y2K-era prank phone calls so you’ll have a portfolio to score yourself a freelance gig. Grab this iOS 10 app development bundle for $35.

White Hat Hacking


The term “hacker” can range from someone who infiltrates secret Area 51 alien databases to one who steals someone’s Facebook password and changing their relationship status to “pudding.” But knowing how to break into computer systems doesn’t mean that you have to live a life of petty cybercrime. Tons of companies need skilled digital cat burglars to help them harden their own defenses, and they’ll pay a pretty penny to do have it. Black leather trench coat is mandatory. Learn some 1337-ass network penetration techniques with this course package for $19.

Internet Marketing


Buying ad space in local newspapers and on bus stops is about as useful for getting new customers as standing on a street corner and yelling “Extra, extra!” Since everyone’s eyeballs are glued to various screens all day long, it makes sense to venture into cyberspace with social media, email campaigns, search engine optimization, and copywriting. Whether you’re preparing to launch your own business or get into the consulting biz, get this crash course in digital marketing for $19.

Photography &amp Photo Editing


Nowadays, everybody is an amateur photographer, which means the bar to become professional is that much higher. What we’re saying is, no one is going to hang your blown-out Instas in MoMA, unless you can convince Richard Prince to paint them for you. To use #nofilter unironically and snag a freelance gig as a wedding or portrait photographer, you’re going to have to learn about light, composition, post-production, and how to use a camera that isn’t attached to a selfie stick. Fortunately for you, this course bundle teaches you all the tricks and just the right amount of theory. Pick up this photography masterclass for $20.

Design &amp Animation


People don’t usually get jobs watching cartoons, but they sure as hell can get paid to make them! Sadly, it’s a little more complex than in the halcyon days of Steamboat Willie and Edweard Muybridge’s old-fangled zoopraxiscope. There’s a lot more 3D rendering, Bezier curves, and motion tweening to deal with. Those concepts may sound like daunting mumbo-jumbo now, but it’s just a matter of going through the process. Hell, even Harry Potter had to learn the terminology before casting spells. You could learn it all by getting an expensive degree from CalArts, or you could grab this design and animation course bundle for $29.



Since video is just taking a bunch of pictures really quickly, it should be pretty easy, right? Tell that to Scorsese. Making trashy YouTube poop might not require much more than a phone and an ego, but creating a shot that elicits actual emotion requires a host of camera techniques, directorial vision, and precise cutting. That and maybe a background track by Sarah McLachlan. This videography boot camp will teach you everything from flying drone cinematography to green screen editing and so much more. Get it here for $39.

Find out more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/train-yourself-your-dream-job-with-cracked-store/

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