Lesbians are frequently split into two (very dated and excessively-simplistic) groups: femme and butch. Because the moment I came bounding out that dark, repressive closet, the jury rapidly billed me with as being a femme.
My dear God, youre this type of FEMME! seasoned lesbians would roar at me when i nervously sitting on the lesbian bar alone within my high heel shoes. Was I considered a femme due to the high heel shoes? Or could it have been my impeccably polished pink nails? Or even the oxblood red lipstick and also the mountain of mascara caked to my lengthy, fluffy eyelashes? The suggestions above?
When I increased much more comfortable within the scene, I started to recoil in the word femme. I Am Not A FEMME! I’d yell as though as being a femme lesbian werea terrible, taboo factor to become. I had been so dramatically averseto being considered a femme since i didnt wish to be considered dumb. I thought about being given serious attention, damn it.
Why did I believe femme was symbolic of as being a brainless joke? Oh, since i, like a lot of women, were built with a duration of internalized sexism stewing within me.
See, we lesbians came old within the same misogynistic society as everybody else. I was spoon-given exactly the same sexist narrative as our heterosexual classmates. Our sexual orientation didnt safeguard us from the concept femininity equals weakness. Meekness. Superficiality. Stupidity.
As it were, I even considered dialing back on my small signature smokey eyes, the glitter-infused Urban Decay eye liner and also the waist-length hair that helped me feel both sultry and safe at the same time (two positive feelings I happento extremely enjoy).
And today, I fall to my knees and thank my greater power, Lana Del Rey, which i didnt ever change. I couldnt change my natural need to liven up spoke louder than my desire to slot in.
Dressing just like a pop singer every single day brings me pleasure. And also to deny yourself of feelingbecause youre afraid that particular women in your neighborhood will undermine your intelligence? Well,honey. Thats letting the patriarchy win. And Im trying very hard not to allow the patriarchy win.
Now, I own the term femme like I own the language dyke and slut. I believe being hyper-feminine rocks !, and if you wish to assume things about my character according to my own style, I do not choose to rub elbows along with you anyway.
It required me some time to obtain here. But Im finally here and it is a lot better about this side. Along side it of self-acceptance is really much sweeter compared to side of conformity regardless of the sweeping generalizations and crazy misconceptions that constantly swing the right path whenever you enable your femme flag fly.
Here are a few of individuals generalizations and misconceptions which i, like a femme lesbian, have underwent:
1. Im a higher maintenance snob.
I wasnt i could date you initially when i first met you! I am talking about, I had been drawn to you, however, you really freaked me out, a lady putting on a $400 Theory blazer confessed in my experience after her third Gray Goose Martini.
Why? I requested, shocked.
She tugged at her silver Rolex. I figured you had been a higher maintenance snob.
Why? I requested once more when i slugged back my $6 house wine. I had been putting on a $15 Forever 21 minidress, wishing we’d gone somewhere less costly since i only had $150 to my name.
Well I do not know. How you dress! She chuckled like she’d attracted probably the most apparent conclusion on the planet. Meanwhile, I had been baffled.
Lets perform the math here: The intimidatingly brazen lady within the designer blazer who was adamant on only consuming the very best shelf vodka, who also been sporting a wrist watch exactly the same cost like a lower payment on the house, was saying she thought me, the smiley 20-year-old within the cheap dress clumsily sipping her cheap wine, would be a
2. I am not politically aware.
I cant let you know how shocked my ex-girlfriend ended up being to find out how thrilled I recieve about politics whenever we first began dating.
I simply didnt think you’d be so radical! she squealed when i dived right into a deep debate having a bartenders about abortion.
Contrary to public opinion, you may be in tune with whats happening on the planet, extremely opinionated about whats happening on the planet, and extremely fucking angry about whats happening within the worldhyper-enthusiastic about quilted Chanel clutches and gel manicures.
3. I am not really gay.
The authenticity of my sexuality continues to be asked because the moment I walked from the closet. A woman attending college was afraid up to now me because she didnt would like to get her heart damaged with a girl clearly dealing with a phase.
Look, honey, not not to become graphic or anything, however if you simply have relations with women, youre queer AF. Style and sexuality are a couple of Completely different things.
4. I take hrs and hrs and hrs to ready.
I wasnt laying after i stated I very love fashion, baby. Ive been tossing on dresses and slapping on lipstick for thus a long time I’ve this complete preparing routine lower to some science.
My full hair and makeup are complete before youve even finished blow-drying your side bangs.
5. I earn money by simply batting my lashes and blogging.
I do not in which the rumor originates from, but in some way its circulated that girly women do not have a piece ethic. When really, in my opinion, girly women generally have an insanely impressive work ethic, one which exceeds all genders and stereotypes.
Are you aware much hustle is needed to become given serious attention at work whenever your ft are strapped into platform, patent leather Mary Jane footwear?
Ive never experienced discrimination due to my gender at work, amore masculine-presenting female friend once revealed more than a confessional glass of vino.
Well, yeah, thats since you look amazing in pantsuits and talk sports using the boys, I blurted.
My pal stopped for any minute. Youre right, she attentively responded. I recieve treated like among the guys. After I consider it, they treat the women in dresses like bimbos.
(Disclaimer: Im by no means saying masculine-presenting ladies have it any simpler than feminine-presenting women. Im also not insisting that every work atmosphere favors masculine energy, or that each masculine-presenting lady is teeming with male privilege. It’s usually situation by situation. And each girl, no matter her sexual orientation, needs to face her very own unique group of hardships. Case experience like a femme residing in New You are able to City in 2017, baby.)
I do not know. I simply thought you, like, blogged! adate once stated in my experience after i described to her which i spent your day studying analytics, editing longform articles and brushing on my Search engine optimization understanding. I did not know you labored so difficult.
If perhaps, I muttered, taking into consideration the nasty hrs it requires to create a properly-written viral article, as well as the hrs of education you to ultimately ‘t be crushed and afraid through the sexist cyberbullies who write you lovely private messages like I think you’ll get raped and die, simply to be compensated considerably under your male counterparts for the similar job, but who, obviously, dont cope with a small fraction of the daily harassment and abuse from online trolls.
It is not just my world, either. After I go the lesbian bar along with other women adorned in frilly dresses, there is commonly a collective shock once the femmes say theyre CEOs, doctors and lawyers. I can tell it on peoples faces: As though you have anything related to another.
So, pay attention. I Really Like as being a lesbian. I really like my community. I gaze in to the mirror each day and thank my greater power (Lana Del Rey) to make me gay. Most queer women open and accepting. However that doesnt mean were protected from the insulting tropes about feminine women.
Also it really just proves it does not matter what scene youre in, whom youre drawn to, or how marginalized of the community you’re, femininity continues to be very frequently viewed as less effective, less monied, and fewer intelligent than maleness.
And thats reached change because that rhetoric isnt only tired its toxic. Its damaging. Its reductive! Its exhausting.
My point? You are able to put on all of the crop tops on the planet, you are able to paint your lips within the hottest shade of PINK lipstick ever produced, but still be an ambitious boss who pays her very own means by our planet. Loving pretty things doesnt mean you aren’t investing in hrs of grueling work.
In the end, my assortment of Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick doesnt purchase itself. Ive labored in my valued assortment of cruelty-free designer lipsticks.